When I realized I was almost entirely burned out I decided to start looking into ways to feel less…I was going to say tired, but let’s not pretend I was doing better than I actually was. In all honesty, I was exhausted.
Just do a search. That’s what the internet is for. Simple, right?
Not even close.
A simple web search brought up hundreds of ‘modalities’ that I had never even heard of. I mean I knew the popular Instagram ones, yoga, reiki, etc. and I’d heard of some of the ones used by sports teams, like sensory deprivation tanks and cupping, but there were dozens of others. Normally that would have been an overwhelming number of things to investigate but I was committed to finding something that worked for me.
How committed? Well, the conversation I had with one of my friends the morning after my car died is a pretty good indicator. Thankfully I know some amazing people who helped me see that focusing on what I needed to do for myself was long overdue.
Anyway, there I was, using accumulated sick days to do….something. I just didn’t know what. The first thing I did was make appointments to see my doctor and a therapist, because if you’re not feeling well you should see someone who can help you figure out why. Makes sense. Right? Easier said than done in the modern age of making appointments a year in advance, but I found people who could see me and started figuring out what was ‘wrong’ with me. Then I figured out I should not say ‘wrong’. I have to say, there are a lot of rules to how you should talk about yourself when you’re feeling less than awesome but 99% of them make sense after you realize some of the stuff you’re actually saying. Essentially, I spent the first week confused but feeling like I was probably making progress. Once I had appointments and a schedule of who I was seeing I went back to my internet search for different ways of treating stress and overwhelm.
What I found was a gym, and I’d been meaning to join one anyway, that was small and only allows woman. I’m not opposed to living life co-ed but a gym is just not a place I’m interested in being with guys. Let’s chalk it up to spending middle school in an all-girls school, but I am way more comfortable exercising when there are only women around. So I went to the place. Looked nice, plenty of parking, reasonably priced, and sat in my car. Twelve times. I should probably mention that on top of being stressed I’d been dealing with some significant anxiety. I didn’t, to be honest I still don’t, like being in any kind of new place. Going to a new drugstore or convenience store for gas or milk could make me absolutely nauseous and I’d ordered things, that were easily available locally, online more than once because I just didn’t have the energy it took from me to go someplace new. I handle it better now, but when I started trying to go to the gym I sat there looking at it and kept thinking, I *can* do this. Except I couldn’t.
Eventually I made it inside, don’t ask me how, I still have no idea what made that day different. Then the lovely person at the desk asked me how I was doing and I burst into tears. As you can imagine that was not exactly what they expected, but they were kind and patient and we got through it. And I joined. My two week trial went fine so I signed up for a regular membership and I’ve been going ever since. I am incredibly out of shape so right now I just walk on the treadmill for a half hour but I’ve gone from a pace of a 40 minute mile to just yesterday seeing a 24 minute mile.
I’m not trying to win the Boston Marathon so for me that’s great. There are also women who run, lift weights, do yoga, etc. You name it, they do it. Their trainers are fantastic and everyone there is kind thoughtful and professional. In case you’re in the NH Seacoast area looking for a gym by all means check out Thrive, it’s a great place. They have been painting it and the vast majority of it is blue and green instead of pink, but other than that the website I linked their name to above is accurate. I get no kickback or benefit for mentioning it, I just like sharing things that I think are helpful or places I really like.
So my first step, and one I’ve stuck with, was ‘go to the gym’. My next step was a little more esoteric…
Duct Tape and Dreams 