You will never see the words green and thumb in any kind of description of me. I am, in fact, an unintentional plant killer. I have tried for most of my life to keep things alive. Everything from gardens to houseplants to cacti. Apparently I can’t even keep a cactus alive. I swear it’s not for lack of trying. I water them on a schedule and it’s too often; I leave them without water and it’s for too long. I fertilize them and it burns the roots or I don’t fertilize them and they die from a lack of nutrients. I trim them and stunt their growth or I don’t and they fall over weighted down by deadweight.
I swear I’m really trying. Nothing seems to work, though. I thought I had finally found a home with snake plants. Everyone said they were impossible to kill. I laughed a little inside but, with high hopes, set out to finally grow something that would live. I just lost the final of the three I’ve had for two years. I managed to keep them all going for so long it seemed too good to be true. Apparently, it was.
What went wrong? I have no idea. What I do know is that I have friends and family who regularly give me advice, and I swear I try to follow it. But somehow it just never seems to work for me. Yes, I am aware of the metaphor inherent in the idea that I try desperately to keep things alive but cannot support them in the way they need and so they die. This is also why is is remarkably good that I never had children. Poor little things would probably be begging neighbors for better treatment while their mother was trying her hardest. Which I’ve seen and am exceedingly glad I’ve never had to come up against. Parenting well is hard.
I see that a lot actually, people who are struggling with something, not necessarily children and their care, and cannot get the outcome they are aiming for. I’ve read and watched The Secret, taken manifesting classes and worked on visualizing my ‘one thing’ but along the way I have watched as others have really struggled with the idea that anything would ever work out for them. I am generally a ‘glass half full’ person, so aside from killing every plant entrusted to my care, I like to think I believe I can do most things that come my way. Sometimes I’m right and sometimes I’m wrong, but I usually believe it’s possible unless I fail spectacularly at it. Which absolutely happens, but I still manage to duct tape it back together and hold on to my dreams.
I wonder sometimes if there is a catch to keeping plants alive or if it’s like keeping your dreams alive…where you just refuse to let go and do whatever is in your power to hold on to them. I suppose with time I’ll see. I’ve just bought a replacement for the replacement for the…you get the idea. Fingers crossed this is the time I somehow manage to keep the poor thing alive.
Duct Tape and Dreams 