Normally, I write about the things I do, try, learn, experience in a different way. But this has been sort of sitting here in a ‘Hey, you should probably process this’ kind of a way since the end of the school year. So here I am, getting personal.
Promotion, graduation to some of you, is a big deal. Little kindergartners put on their paper caps and get to celebrate going to elementary school, kids going from elementary school to middle school have a celebration, so do middle schoolers going to high school, and high school graduations are an extra big deal where I teach because for some of our families it is the first high school graduation and for many of our families the child graduating is the first person to go to college.
My students are remarkable people. They navigate applications, financial aid, and all the things that go along with being a college student that I had my parents to guide me through. Their knowledge might have been a little outdated, but they understood the process and the expectations and the norms of being a college student. The young adults I work with often do not have that kind of support. And yet they succeed over and over again.
Why is that making me reflective? Well, I suppose it is because my students regularly hear the tired tropes and cruel generalizations about Hispanic Americans and have to decide if that is who they are or if they are going to prove the world wrong. I could say I’m proud of them, and I do tell them that, but I also make sure to ask if they are proud of themselves. I believe that if we don’t teach children to see their achievements, not just their failures, that we are doing them a disservice. I am 100% sure that children who are taught to take pride in their achievements, even when they are not perfect, become high achieving adults because they learn to see themselves as flawed but ultimately successful. We are all flawed, but if you don’t learn to see the things you *can* do, then you will forever look for external validation. Some people seem to intuitively know this, some people have family that teaches them, and some learn it for themselves, usually by living through some hard times where they feel like failures.
I believe showing students that they are successful even when they are not perfect is one of the greatest gifts I can give them before they move on to high school.
Why do I believe that? Because I have had children, who are no longer children, come back successful. They have the job they want, the family they want, the college degree they want, or are in the process of getting one of those things. I’m not saying they are all deliriously happy, I’m saying they are living their lives to the fullest, even when it is imperfect, and even when things go wrong.
I know I’m not the only teacher they have and I know I’m not the only adult that will try to show them this truth, but I think the more of us that are working on getting this message through, the better. I want all my students to know that they are exceptional people, even if they fail a test, even if they have a bad day, or a bad week, or a bad year. I want them to see in themselves what I do, which is infinite possibility. I make it a point to let students know that I still appreciate them and like, and even love them, for who they are, not because they did what I asked them to or met an arbitrary goal or scored well on a test. I make sure to reiterate that I don’t stop thinking that when they behave in a way that doesn’t match our classroom norms. I make it a point to literally say things like, “You I love, your behavior, not so much.” so they know that they are allowed to mess up and learn from it and make better decisions next time without having to worry that I am going to turn my back on them.
Why is that important as I sit here thinking about my students staring at the 2021 balloons? I think it’s important because I think a lot of adults never had someone say that to them, or teach them that. So, in case you are trying to be perfect and beating yourself up for failing at something or finishing it but not doing it at the level you thought you could…I want you to know that making mistakes is normal. So is learning from them and trying again. There is nothing wrong with being imperfect. You are exactly who you are meant to be and for some of us that means we struggle with some things, for some of us we have external pressures to be perfect, to outperform others to be in the top spot, and for some of us it means we take a while to figure out what we are doing and then have to decide how to do it. All of those paths are valid.
Not my normal post, and I’ll get back to them shortly because now that school is out I have time to try new recipes and crafts and experiences again, but I was feeling reflective and wanted to share my thoughts.
As one of my newly promoted students was fond of saying at the end of every Zoom call…peace, out.
Duct Tape and Dreams 